These kinds of friends tend to have ulterior motives. You're here for her. If you find yourself breaking up from seemingly perfect relationships all the time, perhaps, you need to ask yourself if your friends played a bigger part than you first imagined. I also have depression. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. What are your expectations for giving and receiving attention? I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. I have a lower sex drive than hers. If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. Same for me. However, we can strive to be open and seek feedback from people we care about and trust, so that they feel comfortable talking to us about the more difficult subjects. This is why its so important not to distort the other person. Sorry to say this but its just my own opinion. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. We dont really have many, if any, moments of romance anymore. We get along for awhile, hang out once every week, but this new girl of his has an overly dramatic personality and we can no longer hang out without some sort of tension or pissed off mood occurring by her. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. Being manipulative, dominant, or submissive. We were engaged. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. Do they really want help? Answer (1 of 4): Here my side of the story though. You can blame all of this on the friend, but your girlfriend manages her own relationships. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. You never know! I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. To which I informed her that I live with her and that she only sees that friend once a week or so. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. Let them kindly know that you appreciate their input but that you don't really need it or want it. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. In order to be a loving partner and maintain your own feelings of interest and attraction, you should have regard for what lights your partner up and matters to him or her. That you want her to give you the benefit . I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. Many couples come to hold their partner responsible for their happiness, which leads to demands, complaints, and a sense of powerlessness. We can always make it our goal to hear everything. Shes a whore, dude, she just wants to sleep around. #2 Friends who constantly want your attention. Its a selfish decision either way. You feel anxious, experience headaches and stomach upset, or have a hard time getting out . The whole situation is just weird. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. Heres how. A master at seducing and offending women, Tank is a professional. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. Archived post. I feel like a slave. At times, your friends could absentmindedly ruin your relationship. All is fair in love and war. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. For example, their advice may be based on their past experiences. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. Do my words and actions really match? If we say we really love someone, there should be actions we take that, to an outside observer, would be viewed as loving. CANT HELP MYSELF is Merediths memoir about giving advice, learning from readers, working with an ex, and moms and daughters. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. One of the avoidable hindrances to relationships may be the company you keep. Trust me, I know from experience. This is usually a close companion who's had some really bad romantic experiences of their own, and now thinks that they know everything there is to know about relationships. If she did you would know. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. If your girlfriend has problems, feels ignored, or wonders where you are, she can talk to you without invoking third parties. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. When I have some me time to save my soul from drowning because of her, she said that I was selfish for leaving her for, like, a day! She was not like this when we first met. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. Things are never as simple as you think. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. But that doesn't excuse a reality where you do something like that. Here are 13 circumstances when your best friends could turn out to be your worst relationship nightmare. In a fantasy bond, we tend to see our partners for who we need them to be rather than who they are. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. (All is Hell) Hey reddit! I really like this girl, but her friend might be the one thing that ruins an otherwise perfect relationship. Tell your girlfriend about your hopes for the relationship. When your friends disrespect your date, it reflects badly on you as a lover. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. My question to reddit is "How do I deal with a girl who is ruining me and my buddies friendship"? I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Whether its learning a language, climbing a mountain, or writing a book, you can see each other for who you really are and support each others unique goals and capabilities. Posted August 8, 2016 But almost always, friends whose only advice starts with break up are up to no good. I talked to the girlfriend who said she thought it was weird too but knows that her roommate hates change and relationships. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. To ensure that your friends arent affecting your relationship, avoid talking about intricate details with your friends, especially when it comes to your partner and their embarrassing areas. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. They don't really have an agenda, good or bad, and they don't even care that much about the information, but they'll still insert themselves right into the middle of your romance. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. The "Secret Crush" Friend. Good luck! I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. Polyamory refers to having consensual romantic or sexual relationships with multiple others. she knows im here for her. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. In order to truly change our relationships for the better, its important to look closely at these harmful behaviors and compare them to the more favorable ways of relating that characterize a healthy relationship. All rights reserved. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. I feel for all of you guys! #10 Your friends know your amorous secrets. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. But how is it possible? It is your life too. We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. | And if your best friend is touchy feely, youre going to have a harder time convincing your new lover that you and your best friend are just good friends. Dont criticize the friend. We r loving since 5-6 years! I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. As men we dont have an option. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). Ask her to answer those questions, too. If you could get your girlfriend to go to marriage or couple's counseling there might be some hope. 6: Relapse, 10 Challenges When Reconnecting With an Ex, 4 Steps to Setting Boundaries After a Breakup, When Unrealistic Expectations Become Resentments, 7 Questions to Help Decide if You're Really Compatible, 8 Ways to Respond When a Friend Hurts You, Being Honest in Your Relationship Is Not What You Think. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. Youre less interested in her friends concerns because youre not dating her friend. Past relationships are always sensitive. But those things I just listed explained why she never seems to be happy for g/f but instead gets clingy and jealous. Dude, Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. Your friends should help you impress your date and win a lover over, not make you look bad. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! Bad friends When should you end a friendship? I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. Even though their intentions are pure, the overall result of their overprotective attitude is a genuine dislike of your S.O., which often isn't based in reality. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. Read the book co-dependent no more. I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. There must be fond memories. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. Even though you have ended your relationship, you still maintain a great friendship with his or her parents. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. It may be your best friends whore unknowingly messing your relationships up for you without your notice. Would you rather talk about issues in person? Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing I can do when she feels down. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. While no one should force themselves to do things they really dont want to do, shutting down the part of ourselves that seeks new experiences and responds to a spark in our partner can drain us of our aliveness and spontaneity. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. But I love her and want to help. This means we have to know ourselves. In the note, she mentioned that she really liked me and would like to meet me sometime. Ever trade phones with a friend? Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. All his girl does is whine and complain about my driving, harassing me about every slight detail of my personality, and eventually leads me to cuss her out, call her a worthless bitch to her face, and get punched for it by her. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. I wouldn't trust the advice that this type of friend gives you. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. 9.4M subscribers in the relationship_advice community. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. I just dont know what to do please help! Unfortunately, deception and duplicity are common in relationships. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. How To Deal With Your Girlfriends Guy Best Friend - MensXP I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. You have two choices. Then see if you can respect each others wishes. The jealous friend is a pal who envies some aspect of your relationship, and therefore tries to sabotage it. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. I am a twenty year old student. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. He or she may be your lifelong friend but that doesn't mean they know what's in your best interest relationship-wise. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy We r loving since 5-6 years! From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. When we disrespect the boundary between ourselves and our partner, were more likely to see them as an extension of ourselves, and we may mistreat or criticize them in ways we mistreat or criticize ourselves. Behind closed doors, they want what either you or your mate. ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! This resulted in me talking about this sober and her going, it's nothing personal, I just hate relationships. They care about you deeply and they want to ensure you're never hurt, especially by a significant other. Some pals will get way too involved in your relationship simply because they want to knoweverything. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. #4 Friends who want you to cheat. She looked so stunning, I had a hard time holding my jaws shut. Sign up and Get Listed. Youre in a power struggle with your g/fs friend. It was clear this "new girl" wanted to lose her lousy fiance by sleeping with my best bud or me as a fallback option. Whether they're jealous of your new S.O., resentful that you're getting romantic attention or angry that someone else is taking up your time, the jealous friend will do anything they can to come between you and your new partner. I dont know what to do because I love this guy, and I cant picture losing him. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. As long as your eyes are open. As stated earlier, this type of friend is the one that you've known your whole life. The fact that shes still hanging around him enforces that theyve cheated. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. She has issues with everyone including mine and her family. Without noticing it, we may be intrusive or controlling toward our partner, acting in a manner that is disrespectful or demeaning to the other persons sense of self. But a few practices can foster resilience. I'm having trouble with my girlfriend's friend. The roommate also states constantly that all of her friends boyfriends don't like her. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. The good news is that if we catch on to the behaviors associated with a fantasy bond, we can begin to challenge this defense and create a more satisfying relationship. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? It is very sad when a very good man like me just happens to have very bad luck with women when i really shouldnt at all. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. Do your friends constantly butt in when youre hanging out with your new lover? Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. If your friends constantly whine about how much time you spend with your new squeeze, theyre just bored and annoyed that youve got something better to do. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. If you do, youre already starting off on the insecure foot. I dealt the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over again. We may provoke additional emotional distance by saying things we know will sting our partner the most. Thankfully, this friend can usually be talked down from their strong opinions, especially if you can show them that you really are happy in your romance. Ive been with my girl for over 4 months now, but we have been good friends for more than 7 years. We dont need one person for fulfillment, but we do need shared activities. One of our common friends hand delivered it to me. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. Let her try and fix that. Not sure how to deal with it. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. My Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our Relationship - MentalHelp.net It is not your role in this case. They want to sabotage your relationship so that you will get back with their child. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. I agree,lately all this summer my "girlfriend" has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps . Now don't get me wrong, it is human nature to seek out counsel in the midst of a storm, but you have to make sure that the individual you seek out has your best interest at heart. If partners are evasive and making excuses, they will not change or improve. Saying I really love you, but acting like you dont have any time to spend with your partner. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. Ive been there, multiple times. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. I am not an expert in the world of women but if there is anything I have learned it is that women feel a whole range of emotions and only show/tell a few (or none). He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. ], 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationship. You may feel like snapping back by saying, Dont be ridiculous and dramatic. I really hope that it is it. "Are you going to take her away from me on Valentine's Day?We've spent the last two years together..etc." All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. When youre out with your lover and your friends, do your friends constantly try to keep you occupied or try to split both of you into separate conversations? Like your best friend. past experiences? I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. You create your own reality. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. Well, that concludes part I. They may even know about that hottie who flirted with you a few nights ago. Respect your girlfriends opinion as well but make sure she sees your side of the relationship! Congrats. She was drinking with her friend tonight and her friend texted her before she came over asking if I could leave, which I accepted and went to a buddys house. With this pal, space is essential. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. Friends who make you ignore your lover by constantly trying to keep you engrossed in another conversation or take you to another part of the room are never good for your budding relationship. Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. Need help with your relationship? I had not met his best friend and I was happy like literally very happy. And once you start thinking, its easy to mentally turn even a perfect partner into an ugly hag. [Read: 9 new relationship traits to keep in mind while starting a new relationship]. Although they genuinely care, the heart wants what the heart wants. My best friends girlfriend is destroying our friendship Medication and therapy dont really work. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy.
Do You Have To Pay Back Financial Aid Grants, Taos Schools Calendar 2023-2024, Rio Vista Middle School Schedule 2023, Intex Ultra Xtr 24x52 Manual, Newmarket, Nh Apartments For Rent, Articles M